Archive | October, 2012

Hate.

5 Oct

More lessons through life… A personal journey.

3 years ago I was still living in Los Angeles, so unhappy with the culture around me, desperately seeking depth, meaning, love in my life, seeking guidance in some form.
I was still acting and modelling, amongst too many other careers, working with different charities to help those in need, talent management, and starting the journey into documentaries and so forth. Earning good money, but so unhappy. Now, I am on a higher path in life I feel, and am so grateful for where it is and has led me. I know my work now benefits, will benefit further and his giving some help back into this world in any small way.
3 years ago on an evening out, I had also met some so lost in this world beyond anything I could ever imagine, someone delving so deeply into the false pleasures of this world to mask their own truths and confront their soul. Like most in Los Angeles I had met, they were another on the list of lost souls in that culture deluded by money, sex & power of which I held no interest in. They could not handle the rejection like many ego’s and chased and chased.
Long story short, I decided to look through this false life, believing in the good of others always, believing there was good within, and believing in their story of their life I later discovered was untrue. We ended up on a journey together, one I have recently come to learn was anything but what I was led to believe it was. This is just one example of many paths we cross in life, this story is just relevant to my life right now.
I owe great thanks to this soul though. I thought I could help them, guide them to a better way of being, living, of love in purity and innocence, things lost in this world and so seldom valued. I accepted them for all their past I find morally disagreeable in many ways. I failed in this and they are no more changed through time of our knowing one another. Venom pouring through every vein of their blood, their soul so tainted by hate from any damages they experience through their life. Running at every chance from any truth, leaving a trail of destruction and enjoying it as they do. A thread was pulled and unravelled the whole mask of who they were through life, truths I never thought I would have to deal with. So scared of truth, so scared of being one person, living many lives with different souls that could never cross paths in case the contradictions of their being are every further unravelled. I saw through all of this, and never bestow judgement on others for their rights, wrongs, goods or bads of living. It is not for me to judge, it is for me to learn through experiences. I accepted this soul into my life, as I always accept anyone into my life, and only ever issued forgiveness and understanding where I could. I could see the beauty in their soul that could shine through if they did not hold themselves back and lived openly without fear in life. A soul so consumed by a far past of youth that does not and had not appreciated the beauty in the here and now to strive for a beautiful future, beauty for them was trying to relive in a past daily, along with financial gains and sexual indugences.

They forgot fast the moments I was there in the true manners that matter, it’s like memories truly washed from their mind, not even just forgotten, it’s like they never existed. Tears from being financially broke and I showing that money meant nothing of true value and money do not equal care, and how good that felt, memories like opening to the world, memories of showing what truly matters, memories of feelings of belonging for once in their life, memories which inspired their own work, journeys that were so precious. Now all tainted by a delusion of hate. Deep inside though, they know the truth through the dark image they have painted, or at least I would like to keep believing.
I have faced many struggles in life, all of which I am grateful for. This soul has yet experience life in entirety I feel. Never had to struggle, never had to know what it is to make someone for yourself, by yourself, always had a great family of finances fed to them which gave great rights in their eyes to disrespect others whom don’t hold such blessings in life. Yet, I would never wish for this, I love that what I am working on now has my heart, my soul, my sweat, my every own finance I have struggled for through hard times to ensure I create it. I’m proud to say this at my age.
There is no greater beauty in life than growing with another soul, no greater beauty than someone loving you, caring for you, being there for you no matter who you are. No greater pleasure than a deep connection with someone to walk through this life with, but to fear such depth and run and turn it into venom with a blade that only harms oneself is just sadness to being I will never allow myself to be.
I have sought meaning on why we encounter such souls in life, all different souls in life; I firmly believe there is meaning to our encounters with everyone in life. We all learn lessons, or at least we should and put those good lessons to practice.
I learned what it is to be hated in life for nothing but giving love out recently, to be hated so deeply to have someone want to cause I harm in any form possible, to spend their time doing so, to spend their time feeding a poison instead of releasing it to look at truth.
I understand why people like this do such things in life, I understand why this has been done now.

This journey has taught me of hate, a toxic poison so harmful in life. It has taught me to never hold an ounce of it. It has taught me that it only harms that soul and hate breeds hate at the end of the day. I journey through my life very open about me. My rights, my wrongs, my beliefs, and I do this for me, I hold no care what another thinks of me, I seek no approval, as I know the right souls in life will care for me as me in my entirety.
I won’t cover all details of my personal being. I will only say that right now hate has caused me great harm in so many ways, but all ways of which I forgive in entirety, all of which are leading me greater to the paths I should have been on sooner.
I started my life from absolutely nothing. Literally. My home, my belongings, have all been consumed by a great fire of hate. If only you knew the full details, some do of my situation personally now. But, I bear no hate, no scars, only love sits in my heart and I shall never change in this. The more venom thrown my way, the more love I feel grow within as it keeps me so far away from ever wanting to be a person holding any form of hate. It’s such an ugly thing to wear.

With all of this, I offer my thanks for that hate, for teaching me who I was 3 years ago, seeking love, light, peace in life, seeking truth, seeking a better being. I discovered love in its purity. I discovered innocence in life, I discovered how precious our body, our soul, our mind, our hearts are, how these things are not to be given readily to anyone. I discovered what matters in life, true bonds, and true care.

I created much from nothing before in my life, and again I do so now. The struggle in life is all part of the journey; the struggle is where we learn. I now, more than ever have learned how important it is to banish hate from our world, to banish corruption, to expose truth. I dedicate my life to this now and only this now.
People can live in false pleasures, delve into a world of filth, sex, drink, drugs, prostitution, hate, damage, money, but deep inside this is not a soul who has peace and love within.
I wish all lost souls in life to find their way, to find what matters and never let that go, not run, to not fear life, to not fear love or anyone around, to live as you. Find meaning to life, we are all here to help one another in this world.

Sometimes the more love you throw at a venomous person, the more they spit back. Eventually, a day will come when they learn differently, we just must never become eaten by this flame, we must always give love and blessings to these lost souls.
That soul who taught me of hate, who taught me a lot in life, I will only ever offer my love to be sent their way. I will only ever keep them in my thoughts and wish they find what peace and love is and release a life’s worth of venom pent-up inside and start living purely and truly, and one day deal with the matters of his own child that he continues to run far away from, denying any existance of his own son, his own flesh and blood.

I will always hold my door open to them in a time of need, as I would any stranger in this earth if I am in a power to help. This is what life is about. Forgiveness & love.
I hold old-fashioned values & morals in life, I believe our bodies are so precious, I believe we meet one special person along our journey to fall in love in, a different kind of love of connection in body and soul. I still believe all of this as I get older. I believe waiting for this is worth more than anything, worth more than false pleasures than only shall eventually end in regrets. That bond of purity with another is more beautiful than anything in life.

We are not here to harm each other, we are here to help each other in life. From the harm I see in Syria upon others, upon little children I lack understand of how another can kill in such ways, but I also see it as the same as hate I have seen bestowed upon me and harm to bring me and a child also. There is no place for this in this world.

Nothing is greater than love in this world, and love has always and will always pull me through anything in life.
In this past month, I have met incredible souls from all walks of life, all religions, all cultures, all countries. It has been so beautiful. There is so much beauty in this world, and it must not be forgotten, we must try to bring beauty into the hearts of others.

I don’t want to sound like a hippy or anything, but spread love, peace, joy… It’s truly all that matters.
I have made many mistakes through my life myself, what matters is I can recognise them, accept them, and learn from them.

We all go through journeys in life, we must learn as we go, grow to be better souls, learn of great values, morals, the important of truth, of being one’s self, the important of love and cherishing those who show it. Respect yourself, your body, your mind, your soul.
I hope one day I can write again on this from the view of a soul swimming in hate whom has seen light. What beauty. I know it can be.

With Peace & Love, forever and for always…

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Yasmin x

“It is impossible to fall out of love,love is such a powerful emotion,that once it envelops you it does not depart.True love is eternal..If you think that you were once in love,but fell out of it, then it wasn’t love you were in..There are no ‘exit’ signs in love,there is only an ‘on’ ramp..”